In my intro to the Top 10 Films of 2010 list I praised the movie industry for delivering a crop of great films this year. Then I started going over the list of films I considered to be the bottom of the barrel and boy was there a lot of titles piling up. Instead of listing them all, I narrowed it down to the really terrible movies that shouldn’t even be called movies (since a few looked the same, there’s actually 13 films listed). These are the ones that stunk so much I wanted to rip my eyes out after watching them.
10. Gunless
A Canadian Western about The Montana Kid? Starring super-Canadian actor Paul Gross? Yeah, it still sounds like a bad idea. Gunless could have been a cool flick if the filmmakers allowed themselves to go a little darker with it. Instead it ended up being nothing more than a CBC movie of the week with bad timing, bad acting, and bad everything else. ** out of 5 stars.
9. Love Ranch
What was Helen Mirren thinking appearing in a movie touted as “Joe Pesci’s comeback”? Just because her husband (Taylor Hackford) directed it doesn’t make it okay. Speaking of Hackford, how is it possible to make a movie about the first legal brothel in Nevada so damn boring? ** out of 5 stars.
8. The Book of Eli / Repo Men / Jonah Hex
Three sci-fi films that each had so much potential yet all equally failed miserably. At Least Repo Men had some cool futuristic scenes of Toronto. ** out of 5 stars for The Book of Eli and Repo Men, * out of 5 stars for Jonah Hex.
7. The Last Airbender
The Last Airbender will be remembered as the film that killed 3-D the conversion was so gross to look at. But the 3-D wasn’t even the most horrendous thing about the film — it was the downright lack of talent onscreen and behind the camera. If M. Night Shyamalan had intended to make a clunky fantasy film, he succeeded. I doubt he intended to become the laughing stock of Hollywood though, which is now the case. * out of 5 stars.
6. Cop Out
Making a bad movie is one thing, but when Kevin Smith took aim at critics for not liking the disappointing piece of poo Cop Out is, he lost all respect I had for him. This is a man I admired for many years. I sang praises for his work (even Jersey Girl) to everyone I knew. I bought all his movies, books, and went to his live shows numerous times. If he just made Cop Out, took the criticism like a true artist, and moved on, I would still be singing his praise and would still be interested in seeing his next film. Unfortunately I will always remember Cop Out as the movie that turned a nice guy into a dick, and that just makes me hate it even more. * out of 5 stars.
5. Leap Year / She’s Out of My League
It takes talent to make a romantic “comedy” that doesn’t even get a chuckle out of me. At all. Leap Year and She’s Out of My League both pulled it off though. Not only were they both heartless pieces of garbage, but both also made me despise the lead actors as I sat in the theatre watching them kill their careers (Amy Adams in Leap Year and Jay Baruchel in She’s Out of My League). Thankfully, the two redeemed themselves with other films throughout the year and didn’t pull a Kevin Smith. * out of 5 stars for both.
4. Robin Hood
The biggest surprise about Ridley Scott’s Robin Hood was that it was worse than the 1991 Kevin Costner adaptation Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, which I thought was an impossible feat to pull off. Long, boring, and uninspired is what I called it in my review. * out of 5 stars.
3. Tooth Fairy
I compare the experience of watching Tooth Fairy to Chinese water torture — both will drive you insane. And seeing “The Rock” in a silly fairy costume is not funny. It’s creepy. It’s even more creepy when he’s wearing it around children. Keep your kids away from this mess before it infects their brains and turns them dumb. * out of 5 stars.
2. Furry Vengeance
Senseless venture of celluloid pain starring Brendan Fraser and annoying animated animals. Enough said. * out of 5 stars.
1. The Back-up Plan
The Back-up Plan is an insult to single women, single mothers, parents in general, and pet owners. It also makes farmers, seniors, and men look stupid. Yup, it covers the whole spectrum in its rage-inducing 106 minute run time and sets humanity back 50 years. To put it bluntly, it is a piece of shit disguised as a movie. Everyone involved with it should go take a long look at their lives because they must be hurting on the inside if they can produce this vile disgrace. Zero out of 5 stars.
Honourable mentions: Grown Ups, Dinner for Schmucks, Marmaduke, and Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives.
Agree? Disagree? What are your least favourite films of the year? Leave a comment below or email brian@criticizethis.ca.
