In the first part of our Worst Films of 2011 list, Criticize This! founder and editor Brian McKechnie picks the 10 films of the year he found deserving of the garbage dump instead of the theatre.
10. Hugo – The fact Martin Scorsese’s Hugo is on so many other critics “Best of” lists instead of “Worst of” lists doesn’t surprise me. It’s the equivalent of porn for a film snob (or scholar, if you prefer) and in order to look smart and educated you need to say you loved the movie even if you didn’t. Personally, I found it a pretentious mess that tricked viewers into the theatre by pretending to be a 3-D family movie. Scorsese needs to stick to gangsters and guns and critics need to stop being so out of touch with the masses.
9. The High Cost of Living – The biggest crock of shit of the year award goes to… The High Cost of Living! This movie has a drug dealer hit a pregnant woman while driving drunk, making her lose her baby, and then tries to make the audience root for him as he deals with his guilt and begins to fall in love with the woman he destroyed. Stupid, disgusting, and pointless. Sadly, it’s also Canadian.
8. Red Riding Hood – One of the most painful experiences of the year was sitting through Catherine Hardwicke’s Red Riding Hood. It tried to be both The Wolfman and Twilight and ended up being a big, over-stylized disaster. It did make me go back and watch better werewolf movies like Ginger Snaps and An American Werewolf in London so it wasn’t a complete waste.
7. Hall Pass – The Farrelly Bros. have proven they can deliver laughs in films like There’s Something About Mary and Dumb and Dumber. Hall Pass only delivered a headache. A big, annoying headache. It also made me despise Owen Wilson and Jason Sudeikis for playing these characters. And who thought it was a good idea to make Jenna Fischer and Christina Applegate look 10 years older than they really are?
6. Meek’s Cutoff – Remember the old video game The Oregon Trail we got to play in elementary school? Watching someone play that for an hour and a half would have been more exciting than sitting through Kelly Reichardt’s snoozefest, Meek’s Cutoff. This is another film a lot of critics have been including on their “Best of” lists (including our very own Andrew Parker) and I just don’t get why.
5. Final Destination 5 – Final Destination 5 is all sorts of terrible. I didn’t expect much out of it, but for a 3-D exploitation film to not give us any good death scenes is the biggest reason I hated this so much.
4. Straw Dogs – This remake of Sam Peckinpah’s 1971 film is absolute rubbish and adds no value to the story whatsoever. It’s a waste of celluloid that features abysmal performances from James Marsden and Kate Bosworth and is one of the most bland and boring thrillers I’ve ever seen.
3. The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Pt. 1 - Some might consider adding a Twilight movie to a “Worst of” list easy pickings. Considering I’ve been fair to the previous three films in the series though, and that I have actually praised them for being decent films for the audience they are geared towards, Breaking Dawn Pt. 1 just stinks. Not only is it equally as boring as Meek’s Cutoff for the first hour and a half, but who thought it was a good idea to show that gory birth scene in movie aimed at pre-teen girls?
2. Zookeeper – Kevin James and an ape (a guy in a bad costume) eat lunch at a diner together. Need I say more?
1. Green Lantern – Everything wrong with Hollywood in 2011 can be summed up in the soulless excuse that is Green Lantern. This was not designed as a movie, but as a license for Warner Bros. to print money. Lame action, bad effects, questionable dialogue, headache-inducing 3-D, it had it all! Sadly, there will be a sequel in 2013 we will have to endure as well.
Agree? Disagree? Let us know what movies you hated this year in the comments below.
Top image: Ryan Reynolds’ head floats on a green blob thing. Courtesy Warner Bros.
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